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Is there something wrong with me?


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#1 TAZ427

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 02:22 PM

I'm sure I'll get all kinds of grief over this, especially the title even though it's more about a specific crisis of conscience I'm having, but here goes.

So, what's this about? Well my wife's Grandmother from Farmerville, LA passed away last night at the ripe old age of 99. We knew it was any day now as my wife and her siblings placed her in Hospice last week and had spent a lot of time with her during the past two weeks.

After she passed last night and my wife let me know that we were traveling there Thursday - Sunday my first thought is, "I wonder how many geocaches are in the area, if there are any good quality, and will I get to slip away to go do some caching"

So is there something wrong with me, and does this make me a bad person?

Don't take me wrong, she was a great person, who lived a full life, and she will be missed. I fully intend to be there for my wife and her family as much as needed, but if I'm not needed then I plan on doing some caching. This I have yet to communicate to my wife.

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#2 cachestacker

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 02:30 PM

I'd say you need to be there to give your condolences and lend some support. And as quickly as possible thereafter you should remove yourself from the situation so the closer family members can do what they need to do. You'd most likely be a bruden to them. Or say something inappropriate. Or off-time. Or not be supportive enough. Or (insert excuse here).

So, if you're going to remove yourself, you ought to be productive. And I can't think of a better way than enjoying the surrounds your lost loved one lived in and enjoyed. And while you're there you should pick up as many smileys as you can.

My condolences on you and your family's loss. My condolences to you once you even hint, let alone suggest, this. Might be better if you hid the GPSr and just happened to cache while you are 'out'.
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#3 SockPuppet

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 03:08 PM

If your family tends to sleep in you could always hit a few that are close by before anyone wakes up.

There's an Earthcache not too far away.

http://coord.info/GC20PEP

Edited by SockPuppet, 15 January 2013 - 05:58 PM.

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#4 2katz

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 03:33 PM

Sorry to hear about your family's loss Taz.

Yikes on saying something. Although, your wife knows about your caching. If you truly aren't needed, go for it, but be sure to clear it ahead of time!!! Don't spring it on her while the entire family is around.
My 2cents.
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#5 Baytown Bert

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 03:41 PM

Many times funerals become happy occations in my experience. You can excuse yourself quietly after the food and go for a walk or a peaceful drive w/o advertising where your going and I would do the same if it were a distance relative.

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#6 Nov64

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 03:55 PM

Sorry to hear about your family's loss Taz.

I don't think anything wrong with you ... but then I think the same way. Life does go on. And like you said "she was a great person, who lived a full life"

As long as you don't skip the service or if there is a cache in the cemetery do not yell "I FOUND IT" during the service. I think it would be OK to find a cache.
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#7 TAZ427

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 03:58 PM

Thanks for the advice everyone. I would definitely pay my respects and do this in a manner that does not offend. I just feel a bit guilty for it being one of the first things that popped into my head.

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#8 cachestacker

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 03:59 PM

It's not your fault. It's an addiction.
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#9 georeyna

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 05:18 PM

My condolences on the loss of your wife's grandmother....

I think Taz created a *geocachers recovery group* with this thread... Hello, I am georeyna, and I have thought of caches while my dad recuperated after surgery...open heart surgery...first and second time. It was a great stress release while my dad was recouping and we only could sit and stare at him for so long...there was a point he wanted some alone time. I would walk around the hospital grounds or take a drive to the an area close to the hospital and just walk, grab some caches...felt refreshed, only to return to dad later and begin my duty to watch him, first and second time.

I think it is normal, we have already begun a behavior that is difficult to stop. I mean, you get sent to do a job in Chicago one immediately thinks of what caches are around the hotel. It is a normal behavior and just gets incorporated into everyday life, like you visit to Lowes, the taco truck down the street or getting an Iced Coffee from Starbucks. Unfortunately it finds its way into other portions of your life and travel, but it is normal...in geocaching world.

Do not feel bad. If you have some time take the kiddos from the wife and let her grieve while you drive your kids around and find caches. It will get the stess out of them and you as well. There is already a lot of pressure on the family as a whole and sometimes you just have to get away from everyone so they can decompress.

Do not feel bad TAZ..we have all thought it and have done it but we are not bad people...like cachestacker stated, it is an addiction, but a healthy one, both mentally and physicially.
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#10 JustKeely

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 07:30 PM

I agree with the others. If there is something wrong with you, there is something wrong with me, too. Of course you will pay your respects, but I can't blame you for thinking, new place, new caches!
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#11 log dawgs

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 08:44 PM

Taz,

I went to a funeral two weeks ago in Dallas. It was my mom's oldest and dearest friend who might as well have been my Aunt. I cached on the way up, spent time with Family and Friends and cached in Dallas before I went home. It is just my nature. There is no difference if I were to go shopping etc. Just how I spend my free time so don't feel bad as long as you pay your respects.
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#12 chefkimmo

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 09:45 PM

I hope nothing is wrong with you as we cached right after going to a funeral late last year. After his funeral,TXSunflower, Brandon and I checked out what was nearby and there was only two in the town so we grabbed them. I know it wasn't that we were immediate family and we could excuse ourselves and do this on our way home.

I have the same addiction that you all have so I guess i don't see a big problem as long as you don't take away from the time when family may need you. I may not be a good one to speak up because for some reason by brother made a comment that I may have an obsession when I brought up caching during a family trip over Christmas!

All the best to you and your famly

#13 HoustonControl

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 10:00 PM

My wife's grandmother passed away a few years ago. The funeral was in Tennessee. I cached on the way up. We had to wait in Memphis for a few hours for some family to fly in so we could pick them up a the airport, so we went down to Beale St. and ate. I got the webcam cache there. Then we went to Graceland. After the picking up the family, we drove to Savannah for the memorial service and funeral. I found a couple of caches there. The burial was back in Memphis where we had graveside services. There was a virtual cache in the cemetery, so I got it (it was a Mustard Devil cache!). Knocked out 6 more Texas counties and a few I've Been Everywhere challenge towns on the trip back home.

So, no, there is nothing wrong with you...
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#14 Nov64

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:15 PM

There was a virtual cache in the cemetery, so I got it (it was a Mustard Devil cache!).



I have done that Virtual, that's a cool cache
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#15 ATMA

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 11:24 PM

Sorry to hear of your loss. That is always tough on a family.

A family member of ours passed away about a year ago and I waymark family graves for future family to easily find in years to come. Right after the graveside services, I just looked down at my GPS and wouldn't you know it? A cache within 15 feet!
Falling into the addiction, I had to go in for the find, full suit, tie and all. Couldn't help it.

#16 KeyResults

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Posted 16 January 2013 - 01:28 AM

TAZ, I too want to express my condolences to you and your family for your loss. 99! Man, that's awesome! I can only imagine the changes her eyes witnessed during her lifetime.

Everybody has something they do to comfortably pass time and take comfort and solace. Some grieve by crochet or needlepoint Some draw or paint, while others read, watch Oprah, fish, cook, walk the dog, or swim laps. You, like many (most) of us, happen take solace in geoCaching. There's nothing wrong with that. The time and place thing is a factor. Somehow, I doubt you'll show up to the Wake in camo and your GPSr. When the time is right for you to steal a little "me" time I bet you'll know it...and I bet everyone else will know too. Just don't be late to any big commitments. If you do find yourself pinned to an event, you can always use the time to solve some puzzles on the smart phone :D

Tip: I would pass on any FTF opportunities that may pop while you're in mourning; unless of course you're already out caching :)
Why am I all sweatty and late? Umm...

#17 TAZ427

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Posted 16 January 2013 - 09:26 AM

Thanks to everyone for your support and understanding. I guess I shouldn't feel as guilty as I did. I also mentioned it to my wife last night, she thought it was a good idea as there will be a lot of down time outside of the viewing and funeral services and she knows her family can be challenging to be around for extended periods of time.
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#18 georeyna

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Posted 16 January 2013 - 06:15 PM

Thanks to everyone for your support and understanding. I guess I shouldn't feel as guilty as I did. I also mentioned it to my wife last night, she thought it was a good idea as there will be a lot of down time outside of the viewing and funeral services and she knows her family can be challenging to be around for extended periods of time.


Exactly!! As you can see. many cachers have thought the same thing. Don't worry about anything TAZ...you will be in geocaching heaven with the rest of us!! :angel:

#19 2katz

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Posted 16 January 2013 - 08:49 PM

Sorry to hear about your family's loss Taz.

I don't think anything wrong with you ... but then I think the same way. Life does go on. And like you said "she was a great person, who lived a full life"

As long as you don't skip the service or if there is a cache in the cemetery do not yell "I FOUND IT" during the service. I think it would be OK to find a cache.

Funny stuff!! Yes, we all think the same way!!!
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#20 Mr Muddy Buddy

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Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:29 PM

Sorry for your loss....but on the other hand, you have been given permission to cache. O0


Thanks to everyone for your support and understanding. I guess I shouldn't feel as guilty as I did. I also mentioned it to my wife last night, she thought it was a good idea as there will be a lot of down time outside of the viewing and funeral services and she knows her family can be challenging to be around for extended periods of time.


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